No-Cry vs. Babywise

I got such interesting comments on my "NO, NO, NO" post that I wanted to write a little follow-up.

We do indeed have "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, recommended by Dr. Sears. I like this book, and what we are doing with Epu's getting her back down is the kind of thing she recommends in there.

As for "On Becoming Babywise," I have not read it. I heard some creepy things about it, like some kind of
idea that young infants are being rebellious and must be corrected if they refuse a scheduled feeding, and I thought that book was not for us. However, I wouldn't mind thumbing through a copy if I saw one around, because it could well be that I've gotten a skewed perception of the book by reading others' comments about it. After all, most attachment parenting types like us shudder at the mention of Dr. Ferber, and yet I recently checked out a Web site fromChildren's Hospital Boston where he works and found his recommendations in his own words to be much more reasonable than what I had heard.

To the pregnant reader who is thinking about "Babywise," I would urge you to look through both that book and maybe Dr. Sears' Baby Book or just www.askdrsears.com and really think about what approach you want to take when your child is born. I agree that you don't have to follow any one philosophy line by line. But you should be aware that there are two very different schools of thought about parenting young children, and this notion of "self soothing" is at the crux of the difference.

From what I have heard, "Babywise" is a book that promotes a parent-directed approach. The parent decides what the baby should do when and takes steps to condition the baby to do those things. Dr. Sears advocates a child-centered approach, in which the parent responds to the baby's needs.

I'm sure that in general, parents who follow either approach do just fine as long a they love the pants off their kids. Babies are obviously capable of soothing themselves from a young age; on the other hand some of us don't feel they should have to right away (as long a they are getting themselves off to sleep by the time they move into their college dormitories). Nutmeg was nursed to sleep until she eventually learned to put herself quietly to sleep and now, at age 3, she too goes to bed with little fanfare every night. I will probably change our approach a little with our second child, for instance we will probably night wean Pebbles earlier than 18 months because, damn, 18-month-olds are very opinionated and can cry really, really loud.

I would throw in one caution though: There are serious concerns about following a strictly parent-directed, cry-it-out approach with babies younger than 6 months old. From what I have read about it, the Ferber method is intended for babies OVER 6 months. For one thing, babies that young of course need to eat more frequently than older babies so you would not want to let your 2-month-old cry when she wakes up for a feeding. But also, one of the first things babies learn about communication and their relationship with their parents that they can get parents' attention with a cry. You really risk not developing your child's trust in you and in his ability to communicate his needs if you try a cry-it-out approach before that call-and-response is established.